Archives for the month of: December, 2014

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2014 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,500 times in 2014. If it were a cable car, it would take about 25 trips to carry that many people.

Click here to see the complete report.

There is something powerful about getting in front of a group of people and talking about yourself. To be completely open and honest, and let people know what your world is like.
I’ve recently had opportunity to do so on a few occasions, and I feel empowered!
How else can we change the perceptions of others without allowing them to view ours?
You see, I’m not professing that I’m doing things right in my life, but I’m definitely learning to understand and accept myself!
I was asked to speak to a parent group, one for parents often just coming into the slightly intimidating world of special needs parenting. A friend, a local Social Worker, emailed to ask if I would be interested in coming and speaking on the month’s topic “Stress and Coping”.
For those of you who know me well, know about my stress levels, and probably had a quiet chuckle that I was asked to do this particular topic. I am open about my stress and vent to those friends I am comfortable with, as we all should.
I think we all have varying levels of stress, in different parts of our lives, and we all cope differently to each of those stressors.
My philosophy with stress is , that to truly cope with it, is to be true and honest about it. We need to know that we can’t eliminate all stress, but we can cope. We don’t have to always cope gracefully or quietly, but we can do things to alleviate most stress.
Now what I told these parents are tidbits of wisdom that so many parents before me, had passed down to me. Maybe I’ll list them for you:
*don’t sweat the small stuff, really- you have bigger things to focus on!
*don’t lose sight of yourself, your child, your family. What others label you or your child as doesn’t have to change who you are, whether individually or a “unit”. Make your new normal!! ( and try to LOVE it)
*its ok to feel sad, stressed, angry, etc! We’re still human! Nothing will change that. Dwelling on any of those emotions will only keep us longer from the BEST emotion – HAPPINESS
*remember who you are as a couple , minus the kids. It’s so easy to fall into “team” mentality, and lose sight of why you decided to create this crazy family in the first place. Make the time for you as a couple!!!
*find some time for you, and just you. You may not get the time to go for a run, or go to a yoga class everyday, and you may not get that nap you want, but whatever fits in that moment, during that day, do it!! It may be enjoying that piece of chocolate you snuck when the kids weren’t looking, or sipping a glass of wine while cooking….
And finally…
BREATHE. Just remember to breathe.

A very wise friend told my husband and I that having a child with special needs would cause us to be in an endless cycle of grief. At first, we thought this to be morbid advice, as grief is understood by most people. We didn’t understand it, nor were we ready to understand it in the early part of our life with twins diagnosed with Periventricular Leukomalacia, causing Cerebral Palsy.
Years later, I completely understand. Today, I fell into an inconsolable fit of grief over a phone call from the school saying they ran out of diapers for the boys. I was at work, and had to sheepishly ask if it was okay that I step out, to buy my 6 year old twins diapers, because it was kind of an emergency. I fell into all the various stages of clinical grief, through the denial “maybe they don’t REALLY need them”, the anger, and the sadness. I went through a whole slew of emotions surrounding the fact that no one else close to me has to bring DIAPeRS to their kids school! No one else I know has to interrupt their day to run to the store! I WAS CRYING OVER DIAPERS!!! DIAPERS!!! For God’s sake, I bawled like a baby in the car from the store, to the school, and back to work.
This may not be the traditional grief that everyone is used to hearing about, but it is grief none the less.
I grieve almost everyday for something that my family doesn’t have, or can’t do, or something my daughter experiences as the sibling of 2 brothers with special needs. I grieve for the boys and their frustration of lack of communication. I grieve because this isn’t what I pictured as a little girl. This isn’t the family that I had envisioned in my head.
Sometimes us Special Needs parents look haggered, and emotionless, and tough. It’s because we have to put up that front very often because every fibre in our being wants to break down and cry.
Which I do VERY often, because I would rather people see the emotion, and not see me as a tough stone like mom.
So if nothing else, know that we all have struggles each and every day. A smile can do wonders, and a hug can heal!

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