Archives for the month of: March, 2016

The other day I posted about the judgement parents face, and how sometimes it would be easier if people just showed compassion.  You (and I) have NO IDEA what Joe Schmoe is going through next door.

Today, I read this article (See it here) about what it’s like to have a child with a speech delay.  I can totally relate! My boys would be considered clinically “non verbal.” They are 8, have approximately 100 solid words which they use mostly in isolation, not in phrases, and not generalized across situations yet.  They understand A LOT! They can “pick up that garbage, and go put it in the can” and ” go get your shoes and coat”.  

Children with expressive language issues often exhibit behaviours which are challenging because they get frustrated with their inability to tell us what is going on.  My boys, with seemingly no warning, get very frustrated and will start banging their heads (off the floor, off a wall, off the counter) or screaming and in full tantrum.  

Now to give you some extra insight, I work in the field of language disorders as a Communicative Disorders Assistant, and my husband as a Developmental Support Worker, so we kinda “get” the Special Needs bit.   So it would be pretty fair to tell you that we don’t even have the superpowers to predict the level of frustration and stop the behaviour before it starts.  

I can also share with you that this is probably the most painful and frustrating thing you can experience as a parent.  Seeing your child fall off of a bicycle, or split their lip has got nothing on what appears to be your child choosing to injure themselves.  Now why kids with language delays, and disabilities do this, I can’t tell you.  I would have to do the research, but I’ll admit that I’m afraid to.

Now, I’ll also admit that I don’t know where I’m going with this.  Except that it fit with my previous post.  I have bigger things to worry about than doing those tasks which hold me to a “good mother” standard.  But if you knew all of the little battles I (and so many other mothers and fathers out there) deal with, you would prioritize things differently too.

In my belief, there are two things everyone can do to create a better world… YOU can change the world by showing kindness and compassion… You don’t need to worry about how to change policies, religion, etc.  All you need to do is be kind and accept others for who they are.

I could have written this post the hurtful, hateful way that I felt earlier after a conversation which inspired this.  But I’m choosing to inspire change in how we look at others.

What I believe: EVERY parent is doing the best that they are capable of. I will say that again. EVERY PARENT IS DOING THE BEST THEY ARE CAPABLE OF!  Think of parenting like a spectrum (like everything else in the world)- there are Super parents, the average parents, and the parents that are struggling… I believe that ALL parents want the best for our children and that we do the best that we can do, given all of the factors that arise in the moment.  No one wants their child to suffer, or feel left out, or to be hungry, or to fall behind.  We all need support, and some don’t have an immediate support system.  

Please don’t judge another parent, or person, because you have no idea what they’ve been through or what they’ve just overcome.  A simple statement like ” I can’t believe they don’t read to their kids!” ” who can’t brush their kids teeth” is judgmental beyond belief! It sounds ridiculous… But true!

Now to clarify, this statement was not directed at me, but I felt the need to step up. 

We do not know the reason, it is not our business!  But to give you example, I will share bits of my life…

I don’t read to my kids at bed time. I try to get in a book here and there, but I am the first one to admit, it’s not a high priority!  I have 8 year old twins in diapers.  They are non verbal and often have tantrums that I don’t understand.  Sometimes I just want to enjoy the cuddles they give me, sometimes I’m holding them tightly so that they don’t slap their heads.  

I don’t have the opportunity to brush their teeth every day (let alone twice a day) because some mornings, like this morning, I was wiping up poop.

DON’T JUDGE ME!!

Parenting is affected by so many factors that we don’t understand.  

If you want to make judgment, make sure you completely understand the situation… 

If you want to make change, show kindness and compassion.  Try to understand and support.  It will get you further.

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