Archives for category: Parenting

I’ve had many people ask me about the blog. It’s seriously not because I’ve run “dry” but I get distracted and drop the thoughts!

Go figure!

This summer has been the busiest I remember since becoming a mom. July meant 5000km on the van driving all over the province… August, just trying to stay sane. HA HA HA!

Macartney has been enjoying quite time, exploring her musical tastes, and learning the guitar. Man, I’ve had a lot to reflect on about how awesome she is. I have a few vlog posts rolling around my head about her and her compassion and tenacity!

The boys, well, we all know they are the main thing that my blog posts are created around. I write about them to help people understand. None of us as parents are “taught” how to raise kids with Special needs. I’m just throwing my blossoming knowledge to make people feel less alone!

They have been a challenge – think “the terrible 3s” Remember when you thought 2 wasn’t so bad, then your kid hit 3 and you were like “What the HELL!!!???” That’s where we’re at. Except they’re about 70lbs each and over 4 ft tall…

I’m tired, I just woke up from a nap in the middle of the afternoon to hear the boys have found some Irish barbershop kind of choir to watch on YouTube. Correction – I’ve been told it’s just videos of Irish drinking and singing in pubs.

And now they’ve all descended upon me… in my bed… asking about my blog… (well, the one that can ask)

Step one to successful blog? – write it when the kids are in bed!

I leave you with this image that made me laugh.

Advertisements

Today’s I was reminded how important the little things are…

Most of you know that my husband, Jeff, and I are the parents to 3 beautiful children. Our daughter, 13, and our twin sons, 11. If that isn’t enough, the boys have Developmental disability which throws in a whole mixed bag of challenges.

As a couple who has been together for 19 years, married for almost 15, with 3 kids, jobs, activities, etc, it is challenging to keep it together.

Today reminded me how the little moments count.

Jeff was working his shift (8-4), I had had a busy day of appointments, and had finally gotten all the kids home and realized I needed to go to the grocery store. The beauty of having a 13 year old, incredibly responsible and reliable daughter, is that you can pop out without hauling everyone with you! I ran to the store to pick up needed things for supper. In the meantime, Jeff has texted “hi!” Jokingly, I let him know that I left the kids home to run to store “wanna come on a shopping date? Lol” as I’m cruising around the store many minutes later I get a reply “sure. Lol”

I can tell you I was very pleasantly surprised when I saw my hubby walking towards me in the store.

We walked around picked up supper supplies, decided to get a plant, cashed out and walked to the parking lot. All in a matter of 15 minutes.

Can I tell you how nice that 15 minutes was?!? To just walk beside my husband, enjoy a stolen moment away from the kids…. we had time to just breathe before the chaos and neediness (although we love it) of the kids hit us.

Steal the moments, have the dates. Even if it’s at the grocery store to buy pasta and plants.

One of the hardest things for me to deal with as a special needs parent is the boys’ birthday, which is coming up on March 5th. They will be 11.

For those of you who know me, I’m a Birthday NUT! (By the way, my birthday is in a month)

I have my biggest bouts of grief surrounding their birthday. It makes me sad that they don’t do a countdown, they don’t know when it is, they can’t tell us what they’d like – presents, flavour of cake, theme. Selfishly, I feel like I’ve robbed of those joys of motherhood. I’m NOT so much of a control freak that I relish in the fact that I have to think out every detail and party plan. I loved when my daughter thought that she wanted a cupcake decorating station for her birthday… against my better judgement, we did it, and I’ve been cleaning sprinkles out of the grooves in the floors for years after!

I’m sad that they can’t tell me who they want to share their day with. I’m sad that I have to ask people at the school who a) is a friend and b) would be delighted to come to a birthday for Drew and Dean. I get sad because not only do I have to rack my brain for ideas for them, I have to think of ideas for everyone else wanting to get them something.

I KNOW that they will be delighted with whatever we decide to do to celebrate them. They LOVE birthdays. They celebrate everyone’s with the same enthusiasm. They WILL open your present for you. They WILL blow out your candles.

I, as their mother, just have a strong desire to let them know how much I love them and create a very special day for them, even if they don’t completely understand its their birthday.

In my belief, there are two things everyone can do to create a better world… YOU can change the world by showing kindness and compassion… You don’t need to worry about how to change policies, religion, etc.  All you need to do is be kind and accept others for who they are.

I could have written this post the hurtful, hateful way that I felt earlier after a conversation which inspired this.  But I’m choosing to inspire change in how we look at others.

What I believe: EVERY parent is doing the best that they are capable of. I will say that again. EVERY PARENT IS DOING THE BEST THEY ARE CAPABLE OF!  Think of parenting like a spectrum (like everything else in the world)- there are Super parents, the average parents, and the parents that are struggling… I believe that ALL parents want the best for our children and that we do the best that we can do, given all of the factors that arise in the moment.  No one wants their child to suffer, or feel left out, or to be hungry, or to fall behind.  We all need support, and some don’t have an immediate support system.  

Please don’t judge another parent, or person, because you have no idea what they’ve been through or what they’ve just overcome.  A simple statement like ” I can’t believe they don’t read to their kids!” ” who can’t brush their kids teeth” is judgmental beyond belief! It sounds ridiculous… But true!

Now to clarify, this statement was not directed at me, but I felt the need to step up. 

We do not know the reason, it is not our business!  But to give you example, I will share bits of my life…

I don’t read to my kids at bed time. I try to get in a book here and there, but I am the first one to admit, it’s not a high priority!  I have 8 year old twins in diapers.  They are non verbal and often have tantrums that I don’t understand.  Sometimes I just want to enjoy the cuddles they give me, sometimes I’m holding them tightly so that they don’t slap their heads.  

I don’t have the opportunity to brush their teeth every day (let alone twice a day) because some mornings, like this morning, I was wiping up poop.

DON’T JUDGE ME!!

Parenting is affected by so many factors that we don’t understand.  

If you want to make judgment, make sure you completely understand the situation… 

If you want to make change, show kindness and compassion.  Try to understand and support.  It will get you further.

%d bloggers like this: