Archives for posts with tag: twins

I put off watching the movie Wonder for a long time. I don’t think it takes a rocket scientist to figure out why. I knew this movie would potentially hit me HARD.

My daughter convinced me to purchase the pre-release and have a movie night.

Part One

I was instantly hit with emotions and ones that I didn’t expect. I surprised myself by instantly judging this family for homeschooling their son for so many years, and THEN deciding to integrate him into middle school.

I was thankful for the strength and support we received when registering the boys for school, and that the idea of keeping them home never occurred.

What I’ve learned, and what I feel we’ve done right, is building an accepting and open, honest relationship around the boys and school. Inclusion isn’t even a term we use anymore, it’s a way of being.

The students are excepting of the fact that the boys are different, and I truly believe that they are all more tolerant of each other because of it. They have grown with understanding that we all bring unique strengths and needs to the table and everyone has value. These kids love and support my guys and want them included in everything, and do their best to make it happen.

The benefits of having “Special Needs” kids included in mainstream education far outways any reason not to, in my opinion.

Part 2

The other thing that really hit me with this movie was the sibling piece. My heart used to ache for our daughter. One of my most painful days was when she exclaimed, “Why can’t my brothers be like everyone else’s brothers!”

The impact (in the movie) on the sister was visible.

We’ve always made certain that our girl was never given responsibilities out of normal sister responsibilities. Although she retrieved diapers and wipes for us for far too many years!

We’ve always tried to make her feel special in her own right, but she’s taken the back seat time and again. She’s become (or maybe always has been) one of the most beautiful, compassionate and kind people I know. The more we move on this journey, the more I know we’re doing ok, that she is going to be okay. I’m confident that we’ve given her the tools she needs to continue to be an awesome person!

The movie depicts some jealousy or resentment perhaps, and I don’t doubt that will happen more than a few times in our girl’s life. I then think to “normal” sibling relationships and am pretty sure that’s happening in those ones too!

Putting it altogether, this movie pulled and yanked at my heart, I think because it was so true to the emotion I have felt in the past 10 years. I appreciate that it has provided a perspective to those not in this world, a tiny glimpse into what a rollercoaster we ride.

And what a ride it is!

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Hi. I used to be like you. I was impatient. I hated waiting. I needed to move. Lines were a peeve. Slow walkers drove me nuts.  And don’t get me started about slow drivers!

Then I became a mother. My first child, our gorgeous daughter taught us that we may not get places on time.  She ran the show.  We learned that babies held power. If we didn’t get home at bedtime, there was no bedtime!

Then we had the boys, our identical twins.  They came early, but time slowed down. 

We waited patiently for them to eat and grow. We waited patiently for them to get strong enough to come home.  We waited 4 weeks and 1 day.  If you’ve never left your children behind, you won’t understand this pain. 

When we brought them home finally, we waited… we waited for them to reach milestones.  They didn’t reach them.  We waited for referrals to doctors.  We waited and waited.  They started hitting milestones. Sat up at 15 months…. commando crawled at 21 months… we waited… we waited for a Doctor to tell us at 26 months that they indeed had a Cerebral Palsy – Periventrucular Leukomalacia to be exact.

We then waited some more.  These boys have taught us more patience than anyone can ever imagine.

We waited for them to stand.  We waited for them to walk. We waited for the walkers we had to order to help them to walk. We waited for them to talk. We waited for leg braces. We waited for meetings for school entry.  We waited for more meetings. We waited for the cab that would drive them to school because they couldn’t walk. 

During all of that waiting… we WORKED HARD… really, really hard.  

We watched our boys take their first steps well after their 4th birthday… we watched them walk away from their walkers.  We watched them learn to climb stairs.  All with tears in our eyes.

We cried because we were told that they may never be independent, never walk, never talk.

They now walk  and run and jump and climb stairs… we are still patiently waiting for them to talk so that people understand…

They now ride the bus!

They get tired, really, really tired from all of the work that they do at school.  They LOVE riding the bus.

Which brings me back to you.  Mr. Impatience.  Please. Please don’t yell out of your window at us.  We are moving as fast as we can.  We are trying our best. As the parents of Drew and Dean we are so thankful of the 98% of commuters that appreciate that some kids are slower to get off the bus… but you, the one guy in line who yells at us… you ruin our moment. 

If I can ask of nothing else, please have patience for kids getting off the bus.  Not just mine, but all of them.  Show kindness and patience.  It will change your life.

In my belief, there are two things everyone can do to create a better world… YOU can change the world by showing kindness and compassion… You don’t need to worry about how to change policies, religion, etc.  All you need to do is be kind and accept others for who they are.

I could have written this post the hurtful, hateful way that I felt earlier after a conversation which inspired this.  But I’m choosing to inspire change in how we look at others.

What I believe: EVERY parent is doing the best that they are capable of. I will say that again. EVERY PARENT IS DOING THE BEST THEY ARE CAPABLE OF!  Think of parenting like a spectrum (like everything else in the world)- there are Super parents, the average parents, and the parents that are struggling… I believe that ALL parents want the best for our children and that we do the best that we can do, given all of the factors that arise in the moment.  No one wants their child to suffer, or feel left out, or to be hungry, or to fall behind.  We all need support, and some don’t have an immediate support system.  

Please don’t judge another parent, or person, because you have no idea what they’ve been through or what they’ve just overcome.  A simple statement like ” I can’t believe they don’t read to their kids!” ” who can’t brush their kids teeth” is judgmental beyond belief! It sounds ridiculous… But true!

Now to clarify, this statement was not directed at me, but I felt the need to step up. 

We do not know the reason, it is not our business!  But to give you example, I will share bits of my life…

I don’t read to my kids at bed time. I try to get in a book here and there, but I am the first one to admit, it’s not a high priority!  I have 8 year old twins in diapers.  They are non verbal and often have tantrums that I don’t understand.  Sometimes I just want to enjoy the cuddles they give me, sometimes I’m holding them tightly so that they don’t slap their heads.  

I don’t have the opportunity to brush their teeth every day (let alone twice a day) because some mornings, like this morning, I was wiping up poop.

DON’T JUDGE ME!!

Parenting is affected by so many factors that we don’t understand.  

If you want to make judgment, make sure you completely understand the situation… 

If you want to make change, show kindness and compassion.  Try to understand and support.  It will get you further.

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